Housing Policy

Canada needs a national housing agenda to address homelessness and the need for affordable housing. In cities across Canada, high housing costs are actually stifling economic growth – companies can’t attract good employees because the employees can’t afford to live where the jobs are. Even Supermodels who do live in our cities spend too much of their income on housing so they can’t spend it on other things. Lower housing costs would mean more disposable income and a stronger economy.

I believe homelessness is both a social problem and an economic one. If people who are now homeless could afford homes, they could get jobs, pay taxes and contribute to our economy. Homelessness hurts our society – help the homeless afford a home, and they become productive.

As leader, I would work in consultation with the development industry to seek ways to increase private sector investment in new housing. I am in favour of continued government support for existing public housing and new public-private partnerships to create more housing.

The government has created housing for the Prime Minister, the Leader of the Opposition and other dignitaries. I understand why this is important, but I believe it is also important to let ordinary Canadians afford their own homes. I should mention that although I am Canada’s leading Supermodel politician, I have chosen not to live in a government mansion in Ottawa.

The Family Farm Crisis

Canada needs to support our farmers. As a Supermodel, I know the value of my daily milk bath – without farmers giving their cows a little squeeze, my skin and our economy would suffer. The farm crisis is a threat to Supermodels as well as every Canadian.

We need strong support for the family farm, rural communities and the traditional values they embody. I am inspired by farmers and their healthy lifestyle, just as I am very concerned by unhealthy lifestyles like that of doctor-politician Grant Hill.


I strongly support a universal one-tier healthcare system, with equal services across the country. I also believe that provincial health care systems should be harmonized so access to lifesaving drugs is uniform across Canada.

A two-tier system is wrong and un-Canadian. It promotes a system of healthcare haves and have-nots, as those with money inevitably get better care, and everyone except the wealthy suffers a lower standard of care.

Pot and Prostitution

I believe in decriminalizing marijuana and I also believe we should explore the idea of areas where solicitation for prostitution is allowed. I know this is a controversial position, but I believe the police and the courts should be directing their resources to fighting things like serious crime, domestic violence and terrorism. Criminalizing marijuana possession has done nothing for us except clog our legal system and give criminal records to a lot of people who have done something few Canadians consider a serious crime.

By allowing so-called red-light districts, we would make it safer for sex-trade workers and reduce the stigma they face. We would also make it harder for organized crime to profit from prostitution. As with marijuana, our police and courts could do much more if they didn’t have to waste their time fighting the sex trade.

Of course, as a Supermodel I do not use marijuana – the smoke is very difficult to get out of my wigs, and rolling a joint is impossible with my long nails.

National Security

If the police weren’t busy chasing prostitutes and people enjoying the occasional toke of marijuana, they could concentrate on real national security threats. Along with CSIS and the RCMP, they need adequate resources to ensure Canada is safe from terrorist acts and does not become a staging ground for terrorism.

I propose a National Drag Queen Agency to advise our law enforcement agents on ways to disguise their appearance for undercover work. Let’s face it, most drag queens have exceptional undercover skills.

It’s also important that we don’t forget domestic security issues because we’re concentrating on international terrorism. We need to protect our own citizens from murderers wielding baseball bats in city parks, for example.

National security is essential, but we can’t give up the civil liberties that make Canada such a strong country – we have to find the perfect balance. As a Supermodel, I understand the need to balance rights and obligations. I have an obligation to make the political scene more glamourous, so I can never give up my right to wear a miniskirt – what is the point of having 100% Great LegsTM if national security concerns force me to cover them up? Freedom and Human Rights are what my campaign is all about.

Day and Nightcare

No, I’m not referring to the former leader’s sleeping habits. We need public-private partnerships to deliver more affordable daycare. We need the public sector to set standards and push the process, and the private sector to deliver services efficiently and cost-effectively.

Just as high housing costs hurt small business, high daycare costs hurt businesses who can’t find employees who can afford to put their children in daycare. A parent who can work, is someone who pays taxes and drives our economy.

And we need childcare for parents who work at night, too, such as prostitutes.

Softwood Lumber

I would seek creative, Supermodel solutions to trade disputes. One thing I would do for the softwood lumber industry and the Canadian magazine industry is suggest that the best Canadian trees be used to make better paper for Canadian magazines. Better paper means a more competitive magazine industry. Better magazines mean more work for Canadian Supermodels and that means a stronger economy.

In any case, as leader I would always work diligently to protect access for Canadian industries to other markets. In fact, my first act as new Leader of the Opposition will be to meet with President Bush. As a Supermodel, I occupy a similar rank on the international stage so we will discuss the issue as equals.

The Economy

I believe in the hemline theory of stock market performance. Over the past several years I’ve kept my hemlines way up, partly to show off my 100% Great LegsTM, but also because David Dodge and Alan Greenspan have encouraged Supermodels to boost stock market returns. As Leader of the Opposition and a fashion leader, I would continue this act of economic patriotism. I’m also more than happy to lend a dress or two to Diane Ablonczy, or even to Grant Hill if he likes.

Unfortunately, my hem length has no effect on the Canadian dollar. I have wondered if the name of our coin – the Loonie – explains why investors lack of confidence in it. I believe strongly that we must not consider a unified currency with the U.S. We need to keep our Canadian dollar, and a strong independent central bank. We can have a great relationship with our neighbours without sharing the same bank account. And as much as every Supermodel loves Evita, we should cry for Argentina, not follow its monetary policy.

National Unity

I love Quebec, and insist that they must remain in Canada. They are simply too stylish and sexy to lose, and have provided many role models for drag queens – including Céline and Mitsou.

Quebec was also one of the first places in North America to outlaw discrimination against gays and lesbians. Why would we give that up?

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